Log 14

I’ve been way too fucking busy lately. I mean, seems like everything always happens at once. I have three different deadlines, there was another near-meltdown, the military conference is coming up and I have to give a presentation, I had to cover for our dead chemist…

Plus I had like a whole week where I blacked out. Seems like I did some weird shit that I don’t remember, but then again that’s pretty typical for me. Last thing I remember before that was being chained to an easel in a room full of blacklights with some creepy guy.

I apparently beat the shit out of one of my old minions with a metal bat covered in screws, so clearly I’m pretty badass when I don’t remember shit for weeks.

Anyway, breif update, sorry kids.

Lt. Nukem, signing off.

Log 13

Hey kids, it’s me again. I apologize for not updating in so long, I’ve been dreadfully busy. I was playing AWOL again, but just like always, they found me, (and beat me). A testament to my manliness, the level of beatings I take on a regular basis. I fear no mortal hand, for I am Nukey!

Ahem, anyway. So I’ve been working on another project for Tempest, which means of course, I cannot share its details with you, other than it’s amazing because I made it and I’m awesome.

I have so many new friends on here, it brings warmth to my Devil-infested soul. By the way, Satan says hi. He thinks you guys are good to keep me company. Nukey gets lonely.

Those of you who are men, I extend a saucy wink in your direction. Those of you who are women, girlfriend, you look great in those shoes. If I’ve previously gotten your genders wrong, take it as a compliment, whichever direction it goes in.

Have a lovely day. (I’m in a good mood, can you tell?)

-Lt. Nukem, signing off

Log 12

So I have returned, and the mission was a complete and total success. The weather was fine, we didn’t get lost, everything went without a hitch really. I’m quite pleased.

I won’t bother to explain much about the purpose, as that is classified information. I guess really I don’t have much to say other than that.

Well. I am going back to working on my chainsaw gun. Might put two chainsaw-launching barrels instead of just one. Double the violence, double the fun?

Mr. Sleep, you’re a strange little man. I do welcome you to stick around, but if you’re going to comment, I’d appreciate it if you actually made some sort of discernable point, because I’m really kind of sick of all the lofty cryptic riddles people seem to speak in on that side of the abyss.

Seeker, keep keepin’ it real, dawg.

Peace out.

-Lt. Nukem, signing off

Log 11

Well it appears I’ll have to take a little business trip out into the desert, so it’s time to pack up my gas mask and my big spiky boots. More for show than anything, really.

It’s a rescue mission, which is not something I typically participate in, but it’s for a very good cause (for me) therefore I think I can find it in my heart to care for once.

This isn’t going to be much of a post, but I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.

If I’m not back in a week, however…

Just wait longer?

-Lt. Nukem, signing off.

Log 10

So here I am for another update, seeing as I appear to have a few readers again.

On that note, as a brief introduction I’d like to thank you guys for supporting me. Not many people do, so it’s a nice change. Not to mention ya’ll are awesome.

But anyway, on a philosophical note, I was visiting my crazy German friend the other day, and when I walked into his room he was hooked up to a heart monitor, and when I asked him why, he said it was because he had nothing else to power it with. “Without these fine instruments, you could not see a person’s life – only feel it when you touch their jugular,” he told me. And then I had to jump his bones because it made me kind of horny to listen to that sort of talk. I thought I’d share that with you because it also made me feel a little surreal.

I’ve felt that way a lot lately. I do believe I’m spiraling down into a strangely comforting abyss.

My dark lord made me another toy to play with. He used my crow, Winter, whom I killed many years ago and have to keep underneath my bed so that I can remind him he’s dead when he lands on my bedpost at night and screams at me.

Now that he’s a human like thing, he hasn’t been screaming though. We’ve been talking a lot. I’m pleased about that.

The other update I have is that apparently the society of heroes is starting to pay attention to me and consider me a threatening villain. I didn’t even know there WAS a society of heroes until recently.

Things seem like they’re about to get terribly interesting.

Lt. Nukem, signing off.

Log 09

At least, I think it’s nine.

I’ve started to slowly gather my wits again, and resumed whatever business I had previously been plotting. Satan and I had some nice long discussions about purpose, but I can’t really recall anything important from them. His shadow at the foot of my bed was very comforting however.

I did find a notebook in which I had scribbled down a plan that is, quite frankly, ingenious. My lawyer shall definitely be helping me with this one, and I’m certain it will produce visible results. Perhaps not quickly, but quickly enough.

I would love to tell you all the nature of this plan, but unfortunately that would somewhat ruin the effectiveness of it. I’ll just say that it will gradually infect the masses and it will be unstoppable. This is the part where I cackle madly, but you can’t see me so I just have to describe it to you. Trust me, it is quite an epic laugh.

As for the chainsaw gun I’ve been working on, so far my prototype is reckless, impractical, and extremely difficult to control.

Perfect.

-Lt. Nukem, signing off.

Log… something.

I forget numbers lately.

Well it appears I’ve survived that wretched holiday, but I can’t help feeling as though my brain is a little more scrambled. I feel like there are important things I’m missing in my life, but I can’t remember what they are, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

I apologize for not updating in so long, Radon locked me up in the mental ward again for a while and by the time I got back out I had a lot of things to catch up on.

I’ll need a little more time to get things back in order, and I know this entry isn’t as interesting as my others might have been.

Hopefully people will still read this anyways.

Lt. Nukem, signing off.

(Edit: Nukey asked me to spell check this for him, but do take note that he wrote this himself originally, he’s just embarrassed enough by writing this kind of thing in public, much less having his English skills exposed. I can’t say much about the actual content of the entry because I really don’t know what to think of it.)

Pocky wants me to try writing so I hope this is good enough, but writing always makes people think I’m stupid so shut up and fuck you I can’t write but I’m not stupid

I spent all day counting the dust mites but they haven’t told me how to make the nightmares stop.

So I just don’t sleep any more.

My head hurts really bad, and when I talk to people, their faces fall apart and they start screaming at me and it makes my nose bleed.

Sometimes when I lay down for a bit and stare at the ceiling, I can make out her face in it and it looks like shes screaming too, but I cant hear it. When I start to fall asleep I can see snow falling and hear a crow cawing and it takes over my head and the next thing I’m somewhere else and there are feathers or blood

That’s why I leave at night; I hope you don’t worry about me too much.

The crow taught me a new magic trick and I want to show it to you next time.

The keys are trying to bite my fingers so I have to lift them really fast after I hit them so I have to stop now,  sorry this is why I hate typing.

Log 06

Adam is indisposed today but I thought I might catch you all up on what’s been going on anyway.

He disappeared last night for a bit, which isn’t unusual in itself, but when he came back he was covered in weird dried blood marks and claimed a ghost had given him magical powers and would ‘protect him from the ducks’. I figured it was just another one of his episodes, but he’s still acting pretty strange. There’s a black band around his wrist that goes up his arm and I’m not sure where he got it from but he seems fond of it. I tried to touch it and he pulled it away and claimed it was the heart of frost or something.

So that’s where he’s at right now. I hope this isn’t another ritual gone terribly wrong or something, and it worries me, but it’s not exactly the first time something like this has happened either.

Perhaps later in the month I can get him to write something about how he feels, but I don’t think he’s up to it right now.

And I better end this here because I smell a fire down the hall.

–Pocky

Log 05

So far I think I’m okay for the most part right now.

Broke up with my boyfriend again, and spent a night getting trashed and shooting heroin with my lawyer afterwards… The night was kind of a blur and I woke up naked on his couch, so I guess I can assume the worst.

On the bright side, he’s getting me a fantastic negotiation with the zoo as part of their public funding sponsorship on a tank of sharks and giant squids to lower do-gooders into at a suspensefully gradual pace when they tick me off.

Also he’s going to try and help me keep my energy drink on the market. The stupid health department keeps trying to get it banned for some stupid cancerous side effect and addiction dependency or whatever.

I think I’m still sane though.