Log 21?

Nukey here, in all of my Nukeyness. Do pardon my lack of updates. This is always a rough time of year for me. The bad news is that I can’t remember a lot of what I was doing before Christmas. The good news is that I still have a few blueprints to work with, and hopefully I’ll make more progress before the end of this year when my wits are all unwitful again.

I guess I was working on some sort of weapon, right? That’s what these logs say, at least. I should figure out which blueprint that is and how I coded it.

I always have to do some kind of Da Vinci codex-bullshit to keep the military from discovering what I’m up to, you see.

I will update again when I regain the rest of my memory. I did a lot of drugs and drinking on New Years, you see.

-Lt. Nukem, signing off

Log 20

This is Pocky again. I realize this blog needs another update due to the awakening of a certain Mr. Welldone and the following assumptions that our dear Nukey will be around to challenge and troll those who claim to be mysterious entities.

Unfortunately, tomorrow is Christmas, and for those of you who may not remember, or were not here previously, Christmas is the most interesting time of year for us all. Mostly for Nukey, however.

He’s currently absent, but seeing as I am his transcriptionist, perhaps I can give you the update myself.

A few days ago I found Nukey after he’d been missing for roughly a week laying in a large metal trash container. Those huge square ones you find in alleys and what not. The poor sod was white as a sheet and shivering and barely even conscious, so his lacky Soupy and I dragged him back to his condo downtown. He was light though; likely because he hadn’t eaten in days.

When we got him there I knew he’d need a bath of some sort, due to being covered in blood and other questionable filth. I expected the sudden submersion into his large marble bath full of water to awaken his senses a bit, but I didn’t expect it to scare the living daylights out of him the way it did.

Immediately he began to shriek and thrash and attack us, until Soupy and I had to hold him down by all four of his limbs and scrub the blood and dried heroin from his body, while he screamed for his mother and cried. He didn’t calm down for hours, even when I tried to pacify him with a bottle of liquor, and just kept shouting that there was a woman with him in the water and that she was going to drag him to hell. He was hyperventilating so much I was afraid he was going to suffocate.

Finally after we drained the water and dragged him to his bed he stopped screaming, but I think it was just because he’d worn his voice out by then, and at that point he curled up into a ball and wept for god knows how long, as I passed out long before morning.

When I did wake up, however, he was gone again, but there was a trail of black feathers and blood leading into the foyer.

He vanished again, and I still haven’t found him, although I’m very worried, as it is very cold and snowy outside. I shall keep you all updated, however, and if anyone does spot him, I do hope they take him in until the end of December when he should obliterate his brain cells with drugs and alcohol until he finally passes out and forgets whatever nightmares are tormenting him.

-Pocky, signing off.

Log 19

Finally I’m free. I may post more updates soon, but for right now I don’t, like, know what to say.

Life is weird, no?

Log 18

I think it’s eighteen, right?

Okay so, I’ve obtained a sexy German bastard whom I rescued previously, and on top of that I even got a pay raise. So life is pretty good. One of our military vehicles was stolen from me however and when it turned up it was in the junkyard and that sack of human waste at the gate won’t let me in to get it without a rather exorbatant fee, however I built a new vehicle to replace it. It’s somewhat of a rush job though, so I worry about the quality.

I think I should finish this weapon I’m building.

-Lt. Nukem, signing off

Log 17

If you guys wonder why it takes me so long to post on this thing it’s because I’ve gotten kind of bored with it. I’m sorry.

Even Welldrone’s dronings are getting boring and even though I could probably break him down if I wanted, I find myself lacking in motivation other than a brief moment of victory.

I don’t know. What do you guys think?

-Lt Nukem, signing off

Log 16

Hey, is it just me, or does it seem Mr. Welldrone’s blog shit itself and died?

I’d like to take a little bit of credit for that if you don’t mind. But you all did a great job too, so I won’t have it all. <3

Log 15

I apologize, my readers, for not updating in so long. I was in solitary again for setting the recruits on fire.

For the record, it was fucking awesome.

Now that I’m out again I’ve decided to build a new warhead that operates on the failed dreams of America’s lower middle-class. It will be made of hobos. Please watch this space for updates on that.

-Lt. Nukem, signing ON.

Log 14

I’ve been way too fucking busy lately. I mean, seems like everything always happens at once. I have three different deadlines, there was another near-meltdown, the military conference is coming up and I have to give a presentation, I had to cover for our dead chemist…

Plus I had like a whole week where I blacked out. Seems like I did some weird shit that I don’t remember, but then again that’s pretty typical for me. Last thing I remember before that was being chained to an easel in a room full of blacklights with some creepy guy.

I apparently beat the shit out of one of my old minions with a metal bat covered in screws, so clearly I’m pretty badass when I don’t remember shit for weeks.

Anyway, breif update, sorry kids.

Lt. Nukem, signing off.

Log 13

Hey kids, it’s me again. I apologize for not updating in so long, I’ve been dreadfully busy. I was playing AWOL again, but just like always, they found me, (and beat me). A testament to my manliness, the level of beatings I take on a regular basis. I fear no mortal hand, for I am Nukey!

Ahem, anyway. So I’ve been working on another project for Tempest, which means of course, I cannot share its details with you, other than it’s amazing because I made it and I’m awesome.

I have so many new friends on here, it brings warmth to my Devil-infested soul. By the way, Satan says hi. He thinks you guys are good to keep me company. Nukey gets lonely.

Those of you who are men, I extend a saucy wink in your direction. Those of you who are women, girlfriend, you look great in those shoes. If I’ve previously gotten your genders wrong, take it as a compliment, whichever direction it goes in.

Have a lovely day. (I’m in a good mood, can you tell?)

-Lt. Nukem, signing off

Log 12

So I have returned, and the mission was a complete and total success. The weather was fine, we didn’t get lost, everything went without a hitch really. I’m quite pleased.

I won’t bother to explain much about the purpose, as that is classified information. I guess really I don’t have much to say other than that.

Well. I am going back to working on my chainsaw gun. Might put two chainsaw-launching barrels instead of just one. Double the violence, double the fun?

Mr. Sleep, you’re a strange little man. I do welcome you to stick around, but if you’re going to comment, I’d appreciate it if you actually made some sort of discernable point, because I’m really kind of sick of all the lofty cryptic riddles people seem to speak in on that side of the abyss.

Seeker, keep keepin’ it real, dawg.

Peace out.

-Lt. Nukem, signing off