5 reasons JRPGS SUCK

#5 Main character is always a pussy

Half the time he looks like a woman, and when it IS a woman it’s always a lesbian

I mean, I get the feeling that these developer guys are trying too hard to prove they AREN’T total womanizers by making ladies ninja badasses all the time, but everyone knows if it was a realistic woman she wouldn’t be able to get through the events of the game without constantly stopping to have her period and weep and birth children and drive badly anyway, so I guess they HAVE to make them act more manly.

However, the girlyboys is just an insult. Do the people of Asianania just have some alternative definition to ‘men’ that I was not aware of?

#4 Plot is always incomprehensible

Generally, it is ‘the world is in danger SAVE IT’ and stuff. But they realize this has been done a few times, so they try to mix it up with extra plot twists, usually involving shiny rock powers and semi-existential bullshit. If it’s one of those ‘dark edgy’ RPGS, a circus will be involved at some point. Seriously.

PS, all ringleader characters have the same outfit. Ridiculous suit, ridiculous moustache, ridiculous hat. Also they’re always fat.
Eventually towards the end everyone goes batshit crazy with the results of all the plot twists that are only unpredictable because they have nothing to do with anything and quite clearly were pulled out of someone’s ass.

Conversely, they can also be so obvious that they’re visable from space.

#3 Annoying Stock Characters.

ROLE CALL!

Femmedude: Motivated by angst and/or guilt. Wears a lot of belts. Often either the antagonist or the protagonist.

Badass Chick: Motivated by years of male oppression! Wears revealing clothes despite how that may cause her to be taken LESS seriously.

Comic relief: Wether it’s a girl or a guy, it is seemingly the only sane character, but eventually they’ll reveal that they have a deep dark secret too.

Gung-Ho-Guy: Motivated by EJACULATING ENTIRE MACHINE GUNS.

Love-Addict: Sometimes overlaps with other roles, usually the main character. Motivated by LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AND PEACE because that always stops evil. (Protip: It won’t stop ME.)

Furry: No personality. It’s just a furry.

#2 Fashion disasters

Now okay, unless you all can’t tell yet, I’m on the other side of the rainbow, if you know what I mean. Maybe that’s why something like fashion annoys me. Now, I know I don’t exactly match or use discretion exactly myself, but even I know that the clothes JRPG characters wear are just unexcusable. Sometimes, I think they’re honestly just trying to make the ugliest, most ridiculous outfits they can possibly think of.

And finally, the number 1 reason why JRPGs suck so fucking bad:

#1 Square Enix

There you have it.

IF YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW WHO DARES INSULT YOUR PRECIOUS FINAL FANTASY GAMES

THE WEBCOMIC WILL INFORM YOU

My Christmas Vacation

At least, I think it counts as a vacation when you skip work for three weeks or so. To document that I am totally not lying about completely valid reasons for going AWOL around Christmas, I will make this blog entry.

First, I got sad.

 

Then, I got wasted.

 

Some other stuff… happened?

 

I stabbed a reindeer (Haha!)

 

I ate some Christmas Food

 

I summoned the Devil

 

I gave him a blowjob

 

We played Halo!

 

And snuggled

 

Then I woke up.
(I think that was what happened. Happy New Year, I guess.)

 

FOR MORE OF MY AWESOME NUKEY NUKINESS

PLEASE READ THE WEBCOMIC ABOUT NUKEY.

Five Things I Know About LADIES

This post is about the things I knows about ladies! Here we go.

 

1: They have pointy shoes

 

2: They have punching bags attached to their chest

 

3: They’re delusional

 

4: They have a  horrible monster where their penis should be

 

5 Babies come out of them!

NOW YOU KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM.


WHORING-MYSELF-OUT-TO-MY-THREE-READERS TIME!

COMIC ABOUT NUKEY AWESOMENESS

Radon

This is my boss, Commander Radon. He is made purely of things I don’t like.

This is a typical week around this entity of repulsive company masquerading as a man:

And people wonder why I’m always randomly beating my head against various surfaces.  I’ve decided that until I can hit my skull against something with such velocity that my brain either spontaneously combusts, or flies out of my face through my eye sockets, I will continue to endure these constant tantrums of blue cyclops rage

 

Also, I can’t really use all of these large words. I’d be required to break a fourth wall in order to tell you where I got them from, but I figured it would be funnier than me randomly beating my head against the keyboard like I always do.

IF YOU DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK YOUR BRAIN WILL FLY OUT OF YOUR FACE FROM YOUR EYE SOCKETS

NUKEY COMIC

INTRODUCTION.

Hi! I’m Nukey and I am amazingly amazing.

Here is a list of things I like:

Things I don’t like!

Also I am a genius. OBSERVE MY MATHS!
2+2=x.

SO, now you know all about your future ruler of the world. Did I mention I was the future ruler of the world?

Also I like Satan. He is my best friend.

CLICK THIS FUCKING LINK RIGHT HERE DO IT DO IT NOW

 

COMIC ABOUT NUKEY:

WAROFTHEDOGS.COM

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