The Plan

Step 1: I shall first devour the Pope. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, terrified by my arrival. I shall seduce them by wearing the skin of another human.

Step 2: I will contaminate/poison the pacific ocean. This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom. Upon seeing this, the world will break into total chaos, as countless hordes of cultists hasten to do my every bidding.

Step 3: I will release my thermonuclear missiles, bringing about the destruction of the masses. My name shall become synonymous with all that is wrong with the world, and no man will ever again dare call me names. Everyone will bow before my cunning intellect and dashing good looks, and the world will have no choice but to make me their new god.

Step 4: ???

Step 5: PROFIT!



  1. Sir,
    It would seem that you could forego steps steps 1 and 2. And, unless you have a supernatural means to control the fallout that would almost certainly result from any widespread use of atomic weaponry, it would also seem that one could dispense with steps 4, 5 and most of step 3.

    I submit to you that your plan is, like most plans which have their roots in human ingenuity, ultimately superfluous and self-destructive.

    Nonetheless, I look forward to the flash that will be our radiance and epitaph made one.

  2. It seems to ME that you underestimate the power I will wield once I devour the pope.
    But that’s okay, you’re naive, my little furry friend.

  3. Aren’t we all?

    I find your madness intoxicating.

  4. Mad? I’m not mad, I’m quite happy. ❤

  5. About time someone at the pope…That old bastard’s been getting on my nerves for forever ._….Hail Nukey

  6. is there a date for this? i have to make sure im our of school/ have money for a ticket to italy to see your glory as you eat the pope. i have been waiting for something of value to come from him since learning of his existence.

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